A few days ago, our pastor revealed that he has struggled with homosexual feelings since he was five and there have been times he’s fallen. He voluntarily resigned based on sexual infidelity. It’s been a big story in his family’s life, our church’s life, and it was on the front page of our newspapers and carried in news stories all across the country and internet. And it’s a big story in our lives as well…I think that everyone needs to fully go through all the struggles that this is going to create. And it will be so different for every different person. I think how we best connect with people is to give ourselves and them a safe and accepting ear for any of the yuck we are feeling -- including problems with commitments to God and to Grace Chapel -- and accept that all of our feelings are normal and okay. I think that in such an environment and process, people will come out better and be able to look at this for what it is... a major deception and moral failure by somebody who we've given the place of honorary dad in our life. And that is going to translate, for a period at least, to what we think about God and our church.
I can't even pray right now I am so in the depths of my own struggle with all of this and its implications to how I view life and God. And I think that others will share some similarities with me here because our biological dads let us down due to major deception and fidelity failures. And so we then gained part of our confidence in life and daddy's faithfulness through Pastor Paul. That's been really shaken. My head knows that we only have one Perfect Father, but my heart is reeling and a lot of that is from the crud losing my "second dad" to deception and infidelity brings up in my thoughts about myself since childhood... "I'm not worthy enough to have a dad that loves me fully, who will protect me, and who I can trust in because he loves my mom faithfully and fully." Pastor Paul's revelations have created this reality again for me, and it really sucks. And I’ve lost Char, my spiritual mommy, too. And in many ways, that impact is far more logarithmic than geometric. And this is going to hurt her so so so so much. Urg. And I'm mad at God for all of it and I'm confused and I'm struggling. I can so "get it" when others feel this way, too. Darn!!
Having said all that, I have many feelings that are completely opposite... which I marvel at. I look at how close God is trying to get to me and how much better our lives have been with Him and Grace Chapel these past many, many years and I feel like, "Hey, how could I let Pastor Paul's struggles and stumbles knock my entire life off kilter and take me down a path (I've been before!) that is wrought with much worse?" And I think about how Pastor Paul's struggles appear to have led him to be such a sweet doting husband and father (triggered or increased by guilt, but hey, he has loved and loved and loved on them) and also a sensitive pastor who has preached from an understanding and loving way... teaching us in biblical truth but with sensitivity, guidance, and encouragement so heartfelt because of his own struggles.
And I'm hopeful that Pastor Paul will share with us what he finds, whatever that is, in the next part of his journey. In his video shown on Sunday, he said that if he were to write a book, the first line would be, "I died before I ever got a chance to live." ... and I am hoping he writes that book. And I'd be so happy if the title were, "I died before I ever got a chance to live. Then I was born again, and born again, and now I'm alive." What will he find? I've always had many questions in this area. I trust that if Paul embraces this part of his journey, that he will find answers that I would trust from few others than him. And that encourages me. For his healing, and my wondering. And likely the wonders of many, many, many others. And truly, it could be a seminal work in the practical application of Christianity to homosexuality.
And beyond Pastor Paul and how he is able to impact our understanding and lives in the future, there's Char. I can sooooo envision that her ministry will be more powerful than ever before as this challenge stretches her, her relationship with Paul, and her connection with God. What will she learn and share regarding this unexpected journey? God undoubtedly has plans to bless her and bless others with this ... and I'm anxiously awaiting that better place. But first, the season of loss, misery, and grief.
So anyway, I think the bottom line is that there were two big "take aways" for me from Pastor Paul and Char’s video ... first, it is really, really, really important to be truthful in all things and second to be incredibly loving in all things. And I think that means for us now as we go through this that we need to be willing for ourselves, and the people around us, to really connect and share truthfully how we are feeling - the good, the bad, and the ugly. And we need to be completely loving and accepting of ourselves and others, no matter how good, bad, and ugly those feelings might be. Living honestly is better than living dishonestly, and I hope that is a lesson I never lose.
And when I think of truth and love ~ I can only come back to God, whose character IS truth and love. And ironically enough, because of that, the whole situation points me back to God in a stronger way than before. That's all Jesus ever preached. The woman caught in the adultery. The woman at the well. Christ on the cross. Paul in chains in prison. And on and on and on and on ... It was only ever all about truth and all about love. Unfortunately, so many of us, including our beloved Pastor Paul, have messed that up, but my desire is to stay the course and live a real life with real faith based on the real teachings... of a God who completely loves us in total truth.
So, I've lost Pastor Paul's preaching & Char's awesome teaching for now, but I realize that it's completely my choice as to whether I lose other things in my life as a result. I'm deciding that this loss is quite enough, thank you very much, and I'm not going to hurt myself by making choices that will result in more losses in my life. I want to stay at Grace Chapel and stay close with God ~ both have been great great blessings in our lives. I want to apply what I'm learning about truth and love in a much deeper way in my walk. I want to stay connected with my dear friends in service and love. I want to be stable and solid for my family, the many teens, our grace chapel staff, the elevation community & cafe, and our homebuilders who look to me for stability and faith. I want to continue my friendships and journeying with Paul & Char. I want to be grow bigger, stronger, closer, deeper. And I want that for everyone whose boat is rocking with mine in this storm.
And my request of those who love me is that they would pray that I could pray again. Or at least be still and let God love and assure me that His arms are still big enough for me and that I can crawl up and cry on His chest. But I've still got to work through accepting that I'm worthy (which I know I don't even need to be!) even if I'm feeling again like I'm not. ‘Cuz I hurt, and I hurt bad, and my hurt from Paul's deception & infidelity ("How could he #*@!!??) is a hurt from my spiritual dad that is manifesting itself as a hurt from God. Sometimes the truth hurts like heck. And I don't like it one bit.
Transparently,
Sherrie
54 comments:
Hey Sherrie, (big hug)
For some reason, my view of Paul has not changed. I appreciate his honesty and desire to change. What do you mean by infidelity? Was he involved with another person? Somehow I didn't get that out of the video. Like pornography, I thought maybe he slipped at various times in this, which is unacceptable, but if he is not trying to be rebellious, and just wants to rectify this and doesn't have the tools at this time, then it is just a matter of time with the correct counsel, that he will be restored. And I would love to have him come back to lead with the true meaning of grace in Grace Chapel. That would help so many who feel helpless.
I agree with Inger...While I did get the fact that he has had sexual infidelity (whatever that means) I don't see why he had to leave Grace and I WANT THEM BACK! Grace Chapel in full of hypocrisy by letting him leave! Their entire message this past year has been about creating community and leaving legacy for Christ - the Elders have failed us by over reacting to the situation. The difference between Paul and Ted Haggert is intention. Paul has fought a valient fight and we have failed him by not giving him a support system. We need Paul and if he starts a new church - I will be there!
Well, I find myself also struggling to pray...more because as I start, I begin to think a lot and find I'm not actually praying just a few minutes in.
Last night I was back in denial...it felt so much like a nightmare. Today, I still haven't been able to connect with the fact that there was infidelity (if you read the letter from the elders, sexual infidelity is stated...and I asked someone on the pastoral staff who said the letter is accurate. No the video did not highlight that...but who would want to?). I too have had a father who was not faithful, and instead of all of this affecting my view of God, it has instead made me distrustful of all men. (sorry guys) I hate sin! I hate it! I hate it in others and I hate it in me.
I still haven't gotten to real anger yet...sadness, denial...but I have seen myself more angry at my kids and more snappy at my man. *sigh*
Precious Lord, thank you for being our faithful husband. Thank you for Sherrie and her honesty and her wisdom. Please guide her into your arms, and hold her close. Allow her the ability to pray to you again. As we as a family process through our grief, please help us not to get stuck, but move through and be stronger on the other side. We love you! Amen
ELDER'S STATEMENT TO THE CONGREGATION
December 10, 2006
The Elders have had the unpleasant task... and responsibility to address this heart-braking situation for our church. Paul and Char have loving served Grace Chapel for over 28 years.
The calling of a pastor and his relationship to the church is a sacred trust. This ministry requires a high standard of leadership. Our church governance policies require an annual affirmation by both the Elders and staff of the following statement: "By God's grace, I am living the moral and ethical teachings of Scripture in my public and private life."
In this case, the sacred trust between a pastor and the congregation has been broken through the sin of sexual infidelity. The code of conduct contained in our Elder Board Policy Manual has also been violated. In light of this, Paul voluntarily submitted his resignation to the Elders.
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denverpost.com ... (Dave Palmer was interviewed on Sunday afternoon and the post published some of what was said)
Palmer said the church got an anonymous call last week from a person concerned for the welfare of Barnes and the church. The caller had overheard a conversation in which someone mentioned "blowing the whistle" on evangelical preachers engaged in homosexuality, including Barnes, Palmer said.
Palmer met with Barnes, who confessed. At an emergency meeting Thursday, a board of elders accepted Barnes' resignation after he admitted "sexual infidelity," violating the church's code of conduct. Church leaders also must affirm annually that they are "living the moral and ethical teachings of Scripture in my public and private life."
Asked for details of Barnes' transgressions, Palmer called them "infrequent events in his life" that to his knowledge did not take place in recent months.
.................................
So yes, unfortunately his reference to "at times I have fallen" refers to having had been with others ...
I too appreciate that Paul has now been honest but of course we can't know what his path will look like from here ... no matter what it is, I hope it is filled with truth and love.
I thank you and the others for being open and honest about how you're hurting. I and my family are hurting also. Kathy and I came to know our Savior thru Paul's teaching and Grace Chapel. This is the only church we have known and I still don't know exactly what to say to my two adult sons who like me have always looked to our dear Pastor Paul for leadership and guidance.
I was at the emergency Elder meeting on 12/7 when Paul confessed his temptations and times of giving into those temptations. My feelings at that time were shared by all of us, a great sense of sadness and compassion for both Paul and Char. I said "I love you brother" and not much else. At that time Paul repeated his resignation and said that he and Char did not feel it would be fair to the next Pastor for them to continue at Grace. That has to be their choice but I am praying that either at Grace or at some other church they will find a place to heal and be honest and supported. The Elders did accept Paul’s resignation because of his confession of being unfaithful to his wife. Being tempted is not a sin but giving into that temptation is and Pastors are called to meet a higher standard. At the same time no elder or pastor is perfect this especially includes me! There is an inevitable tension in scripture between Titus 1:6-9 " An elder (pastor) must be blameless, the husband of but one wife. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message...so he can encourage others by sound doctrine." And 2 Corinthians 4: 5-7 “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." The answer and what has been a great encouragement to me is found later on in that same passage v.16-18 “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is u unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Thanks so much for your continued encouragement dear sister and yes many others like our dear brother, Dave have encouraged and helped me during this difficult time. Grace Chapel has been and will continue to be our church. And one day if God says we have to move on it won't be at a time like this.
John Moorhead
Pastor/Exec Director
Christ's Body Ministries
Sherrie,
Thanks for you your honesty on how you feel God bless you for starting this blog. I have been attending Grace Chapel for just a couple of years. This was the first church that I enjoyed going to and hearing the teachings of Pastor Paul. His teachings were so heart felt and so helped me in my life. It is so sad that it has ended this way. I feel as a church member that Grace Chapel is strong and will get through this and God will bless us with a new pastor. Sometimes change is good.
The other thing is, is that God doesn't view sin in which one is bigger and which is smaller. Sin is sin equally whether it is murder or a little lie. I think the thing that amazes me is that he kept quiet for 28 years in the church. I believe Paul has a good heart, you could hear it in the message that he delivered to us every Sunday. I am not one to judge him. We go to church to worship God not the person who delivers the message. All anyone can do is pray for him and his family as they go through trying time.
I can't relate to all you are going through, but this too has rocked my world. I have many emotions that I am processing, and I will pray for you that God will heal you and restore you to even a closer relationship with Him.
I looked to a good friend from out of state for counsel as she has walked this path already in their church, and I think that she has some good insights into what we are dealing with. Here’s what she wrote to me …
Disillusionment, betrayal, anger, wanting to blame leaders for not protecting us, all part of the range of emotions. Watch your boys and help them process how they feel about your pastor especially. Many young people are very negatively affected by leaders’ failure, hypocrisy, etc. We almost lost one of our son’s to deep cynicism which we did not realize at the time. He had also been very disillusioned by a junior high pastor who did not follow through on a promise, so it was a cumulative effect.
Often we make our leaders into idols and give them the worship that the Lord demands for himself exclusively. As well, we like the Israelites desire a king to lead us, instead of the Lord being enough. So we need to confess our sins. I think when leaders fall it can be a very strong call to the congregation for a time of repentance for prayerlessness, idolatry, and our own moral failures (big and small). We are all so vulnerable to sin.
Many people will need to forgive not only your pastor, but also others in their lives who have betrayed them through divorce, abandonment, gossip, work situations, etc. This present betrayal will be an 'on-ramp' for past hurts. Remember that Christ suffered the ultimate betrayal, a kiss from an intimate friend. He is intimately acquainted with all our sorrows, yet he did not sin.
Thanks Sherrie, for your openness and wonderful attitude. What a shock, but remember, God is on the throne. From such incidents, we ourselves must learn afresh to keep close to our Lord and to His teachings as found in the Word of God. May God bless you and your family.
Thanks for just being you :-)
Sherrie, Thanks for your transparency and your honesty. It helps me be honest with how I'm dealing with all of this, and helps me know how we can walk together in discovering what the Lord may have for us (and we know it is good) from it.
Great personal documentary Sherrie!
We (my family) too have suffered similar let downs recently and in the past ...my prayers are always with you!
After time to digest the recent events of fallen church leaders this holiday season, I'm actually thankful for the ultimate choices of both Pastor Paul and Pastor Don - that in the midst of their temptation to remain in the dark...by the strength of Jesus have decided to confess. We all are so capable of straying so far but thankfully... some of us remember that we're never too far to turn back. What a testimony in its own!
Love you!
Hey there,
I have been thinking about you since I heard the news and wondered how you were doing. I know that you are close with Char, I also think the world of her. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know that your pain is great right now, but remember that you are loved by many and your heavenly Father will always love you and never fail you. He is the only one who is trustworthy and faithful all of the time.
His grace is extended to Paul, and for the first time in his life he can choose to bring this demon into the light and be free. I thank God for that! I think there is much spiritual warfare surrounding our spiritual leaders these days. I am sure you heard that a youth Pastor was lost a couple of weeks ago. It just rips your heart out, and makes you wonder what in the world is going on.
Love you.
It was with great grief yesterday that I heard the tragic news of your pastor’s moral failure. I just want you to know that we’re praying for each of you. God promises that the gates of Hell will not prevail against the church, and I’m confident that Grace will emerge stronger through it, just as New Life already seems to be.
It’s also a harsh reminder that we’re all one inch from sin. We need to stay obedient and accountable.
Blessings, my friend.
Sherrie, I was thinking that I should have told you that all I want to do is to sit around and watch chick flicks and eat junk food, but your encouragement to not fall into despair and not give into my own sinful tendencies--to lose other things in my life as you put it, due to my wanting just to numb myself right now was helpful to me. Everything that we know about God is still as true as it always has been. This is just yet another reminder of how deep sin has affected our world and how we must only look to God as our hope.
Some words of encouragement from Lamentations 3:18-24:
So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Very well articulated and a compelling message. I shared it with my daughter, who attends Grace Chapel with her husband.
Thank you Sherrie, Your words of wisdom help me figure out what I'm thinking and feeling. Got a ways to go but at least I've started the trip.
I'm praying for your prayer life as we speak and will continue to do so.
In God's word.
Thank you for sharing this with me, Sherrie! Your transparency was incredible! We prayed for your church and specifically you and your family today.
Thank you so much for sharing all your feelings! I wish I were there to give you a great big hug! I knew that this was hard for you and that you were going through a whirlwind of emotions, but actually reading all your thoughts put a lot of things in perspective for me too.
Unfortunatly for me I have been busy and almost trying in a way not to think to much about all of this because I want to focus on my upcoming finals, but what I have processed and felt is that I find myself wanting to draw closer to God more now than ever. And since I try to look at the positive side of most any event all I keep thinking about is how Grace Chapel would not be what it is today without Paul and Char and I am so thankful for that. My personal spiritual life would not be what is today without Grace Chapel and the many teachings I have heard from Pastor Paul over the years. I also was very inspired by Char from that video and how loving and caring she really is. What an incredible woman!!
I am always praying for you and you have been such a blessing in my life over the past few years! Thank you so much! I love you!
Kelli
Love and hugs back!
Just read your blog. Very interesting...and very deep! Way deeper than I typically go!! :-)
I totally understand where you're coming from. The funny thing is, however (and this is what I shared with my husband right after we found out), I was shocked, but not surprised. Does that make sense? It's like I knew something like this was going to happen at some point. It's probably a self-defense mechanism I use so that I don't get hurt...I don't tend to be as transparent as you!
And the other funny thing is my feelings and respect for Paul haven't changed at all. I hurt like heck for Char, but that's about it. Weird how all of us process things differently.
You're a true blessing!
sherrie,
You never cease to amaze me how you process. God has so gifted you with insight, I'm thankful to be your friend. I will pray for you to pray ;~) and to crawl up in God's lap again.
Love you like crazy!!
Sherrie - I am sorry but you are ridiculous! I can't believe you agree with the Elders. Pastors are called to a higher standard - by God and once again we humans seem to think it is our job to do his. What happens at the end of Paul's life when he meets Jesus will be between them. This "revelation" doesn't change the truths that Paul taught us. It doesn't change one word in the Bible or the incredible ability this man has to communicate it. Yes, he needs community - don't we all. I feel sorry for all of you who are not willing to learn from the fallen. If an oncologist gets cancer, does that mean they can't practice medicine. I am sorry, but get over it! Paul is the best thing that ever happened to our Family!
I guess some of the lessons from Pastor Paul of the pain of being unaccepted just haven't been learned by all of us... fear of hearing "your riduculous" and "get over it" seem to be at the heart of the pain that Pastor Paul has had all these years.
So in truth, in love, and hopefully with grace, I must say I find the attitude in the last comment about where I am about all of this and how I'm processing it to be hurtful and unhelpful. I actually toyed with using the "delete comment" button because of the critical nature of it, but striving for a higher level of truth kept me from it.
My love and appreciation for Pastor Paul has not changed. My pain from his deception and infidelity to his wife is raw and real. I guess faithfulness in marriage is just a big issue to me.
No matter where anyone's heart is, I hope we can be accepting of them and where they are at. I'm happy for the last comment author... i.e., that you're "over it" ~ unfortunately, I'm not. And I'm pretty sure being told to get there will not speed the process along one bit :(
With love, mercy & grace, Sherrie
Sherrie-
Reading this post was a very enlightening look into your heart. Thank you for sharing yourself, even though it puts you at a risk for some (unfair, in my opinion) scrutiny.
Your feelings are your own and no one can tell you they are wrong.
I've felt very blessed by you (through the internet!) even though I've never met you, because of your loving spirit.
You will most certainly be in my prayers.
thanks precious peche!
Hello Sherrie,
I'm not sure exactly what to say. It saddened, maddened and encouraged me with what is happening at your Church and with your leader Paul.
I want to thank you for sharing from your heart; for being open, honest and real. In the past, I became disenchanted with any kind of formal Church gathering because of what I sensed of the shallowness of the friendships and worship. When I browse through the Psalms from the good Book, I see something completely different. I see someone pouring out their heart in desperation, anger, fear, love to the only One who can truly understand and empathize with our feelings. When I read through your blog I felt as if I was reading a modern day Psalm. Although I don't claim to know much about you or even to understand exactly what you are going through, I somehow felt connected. I know that feeling of despair when someone who you hold close to your heart, lets you down. I understand what it feels like not to be able to talk to our Father. Your journey in one sense is far different from mine; Yet, in another, it is the same. I thank the Big Guy for allowing us to struggle through this Great Journey together, not alone.
When I looked through the pictures on your website, all the smiling young faces, the Christmas lights and the weekly gatherings, I was filled with joy at what our Dad is choosing to do through you. He is using your faithfulness, your transparent life and the Love given to you from the Father, to affect everyone you come in contact with.
Being in a place where there is no formal place of worship nearby or many other followers to share this journey with, I am learning to understand the importance of the Body of Believers. Hearing of things like this happening in the Body, fills me with rage; but honestly not at your Leader Paul or at anyone else, anger fills my heart toward that Evil one who takes delight in destroying lives. My heart is immediately filled with an unfailing Hope and Joy as well, though, knowing that He already has Conquered this world. He, through us, brings the Evil one in submission underneath our feat.
Sherrie, as I said before, I'm not sure what to say.(but it looks like i've said too much already :) ), but I just wanted to let you know I care and will be using the most powerful weapon we can yield, prayer to bring healing back to your life and the entire body at your Church.
love and peace.
Sherrie,
In spite of the situation we find ourselves in, God is not changing and His love for us does not change. We have to remember that whatever Paul's personal struggles were, he taught biblical truth. How hard that must have been when he knew what his own demons are.
You are now a very mature Christian and because of all of the turns in your life's journey, you are now in a position to be a spiritual mother to others. To have our spiritual apron strings cut so abruptly makes us have to step up and live our faith. I was told recently that I had been watched very closely during a recent loss to see if my faith would waiver and that I was an encouragement to others. This person did not know that I was drawing strength from my bothers and sisters who were holding me up. It was not my intention to be an example during that time.
We will survive this situation, but we cannot let the enemy be victorious. You will be able to pray again, but sometimes we just need to be still and let our grief get out of our system. When that happens, you will find out that the Lord has something great for you to accomplish. In the meantime, I will be praying enough for both of us.
God Bless you little sister.
As far as Pastor Paul, I feel that it is between God and Paul. I try not to judge because I certainly have made my mistakes. God Bless you and yours.
I am still reeling. Paul was intrumental in my husband becoming a Christian which meant my kids and I have benefited directly from his teachings. And of course, Char is my heart friend. But I want you to know that the range of emotions you feel, most of us feel. You are brave to put it in writing and I believe it will help many walk the walk to a better time.
Blessings to you.
I’m not very good at expressing myself; but I would like to try! I read your blog and I had not connected your past to your present and how much more it would affect you than others. I pray that your love for God and your ability to pray will no longer be obstructed by this event.
This is a very small event, in the grand scheme, in our lives that could have a profound affect on how we live the rest of our lives. What we learn from this, how we treat Char and Paul from this day forward, and how we need to let God be the judge not us are just some of the items to be reflected on during the next few weeks.
You have a great love for God and for others; work with these strengths and with prayer, and I’ll bet it will not take too long before you are back to yourself again. If you ever need someone to talk to I am always there for you.
God has unlimited love for us. Thank goodness. I need all the love I can get.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, your church, and Paul and Char. All My Love.
I am so sorry to hear of this. I need to think and pray on this for a bit. Those closest to us seem to hurt us the most at times. I admire your Pastor’s honesty and pray for his family and parishioners. I personally don’t agree with the discrimination the church inflicts on homosexuals however, infidelity I can not condone.
Remember you are loved and a treasured part of my life and the lives of my family. May our Lord bring you peace and understanding.
Thanks for sharing. Love you!
My family attended Grace Chapel for many years (the early years). My wife and I dedicated (not baptized) our children at Grace. Paul will always have my family’s uncondtional love and place in our hearts and thank you Paul from there so deep.
To Paul: I praise you for doing your life’s work for all of your life, not just a short while. For being there for our famliy and other families when your family no doubt needed you. I praise you for all the good things you do and have done so quietly that will never be known by anyone else except God. I pray that you find ways to endure what lies ahead now that the rest of the world must also accept that you too are not exactly as good as Moses, Mohammad, Vishnu or Buddha. And I apologize for the expectations that we, your flock and others, have had of you to be perfect from the pulpit, I beg your forgiveness, and thank you for being like me, a sinner, and not perfect. Forgive me for hating you sometimes on Sunday afternoons for telling me that very morning that I should be better and that I can be better. Thank you for telling me that there is a better person in me that God wanted to know. Today I am still becoming that better person. Paul you are the messenger not the Message, now you are also being transparent and honest and these are virtues you taught me that were some of the better part of me. I am at your service and for you and Char I will be forever grateful.
Thank you SO much for taking the time to share. I will be praying for you!
Bless you, Sherrie, for your faithfulness and transparency!
How are we supposed to keep our marriages together when the men of faith struggle?
This is a terrible tragedy for everyone involved, those in the church who looked to Paul as a father figure, mentor, someone above reproach, his family, the community and those who didn’t even know who he was until now.
To me it proves that Satan is alive and well and targeting those who would fall the hardest. No doubt he is having a big party reveling in the fact that he and his minions have succeeded with a destructive blow at yet another family and house of worship.
I don’t know why Paul was unable to reconcile this hidden piece of himself nor why God did not remove this temptation from his grasp, knowing the damage it would cause if it were ever discovered, and of course God being God He knew it would happen. Sin, no matter how far we think we have hidden it always finds its way to the surface, and only once in the light is it ever truly dealt with and can true repentance occur. Paul was very adept at hiding this part of himself, having practiced hiding from the age of 5.
When I talked to you on Monday about the video Paul and Char prepared for the congregation you said it was heart wrenching how remorseful and repentant Paul was, about how he spoke about how his “sex talk” at puberty consisted of his father stating what he would do if a fag approached him and what Paul should do if it happened to him. He knew then that he had to hide that part of him and could never reveal it. That does not excuse his deception but helps us understand how it started.
It hurts that Paul would in effect lie to all of us by preaching on Sunday and then sinning on Monday. It grieves me that non-Christians will now use this as an excuse not to look to God for salvation; however I suppose people are always looking for excuses to refuse the Savior's love. It grieves me that people will use it as an excuse to sin and to stop trying.
It also grieves me that even one so seemingly close to God could fall so quickly. This truth has been shown to me several times recently not only with Paul, but also with Ted Haggard, within my place of work and in the bible. Those in power are fallible and at risk of losing it all, maybe even more so than the rest of us, because they are more visible.
I know that Satan uses our weak points as an entrance into our lives and leverages them to destroy; I know that in my own life and those around me. What this does more than anything is make me hate Satan and sin all the more. And it proves to me that we are all human and sinners and there is only one without sin.
I could never throw the first stone at Paul because God sees all sin the same and my life is rife with it. I think it’s important to remember that God is always there, we are the ones who move away…
SHERRIE!!!!!
i loveeeeeee youuuu!!!
i'm so glad that you shared some of this with us on wednesday too. i love our missional community atyour house. it always makes me feel loved and safe and its a great group of people we got...:)
love youuu!!!
hillary
loves back sweetie pie!
I was humbled with amazement by the following which was one of many incredible exchanges during the evening with our youth: One teen said, "But he tried everything and God wouldn't take it away, how could God do that to a person starting at age 5? It makes me really struggle with where God is -- where was He in Paul's life and where is He in mine?"
Another teen waited for the spoon (only the holder of the spoon was allowed to talk so we could all be fully heard) and replied, "No, he really didn't try everything. He never tried being honest with the people who love him. When I'm struggling, all I can see is the little tiny portion of paint so close and right up against my nose. It takes other people to help me step back a bit and see the bigger picture, to have the broader perspective, and to help me to see the whole painting" ....
And that comment, along with the truth and love the whole group shared, gave me great hope as to what the future might hold. For Paul, for Char, and for all of us willing to put our temptations, struggles, and failings into the light with people we love.
Regarding the elders.
I'm so thankful for their faithfullness to our congregation and their willingness to address this "heartbreaking situation".
They had to call it sin because Paul, in his last message to us, did not. From his message I'm not sure if he considers it sin. That saddens me greatly. He just tried to justify himself. It seemed like he had no choice but to be involved in this sin. That's the message I heard as did many others.
Why are we so afraid to call sin, sin? Where is our church headed if we don't? If the elders hadn't done what they did our family would have left Grace.
They need our support as they move our church through the next stages of dealing with this.
I love Paul dearly and will miss him greatly. But, the elders had no choice but to do what they did.
Personally, it was my impression that Pastor Paul clearly recognized his fallings as sin, "the big spike in pain, of the hammer to the head, the self-loathing."
And I believe that is why, in the same breath as his confession, came HIS resignation. First to Pastor Dave, then Char, and then to the Elders. It was Paul who resigned, and thankfully it was not something that had to be forced or done to him. And remember, too, that it was Char's choice to resign with Paul. And that's hard (maybe even harder?) to grapple with as well.
We all love Pastor Paul and will miss his preaching, but that doesn't mean this path is wrong. It just means it hurts and it's not what any of us would have wanted.
I've tried to teach our kids that doing the "right" thing is always important... and sometimes the right thing is also the easy thing. But it's when doing the right thing is the hard thing that it's REALLY important. And this path is the hard thing, right as it is. Paul knows it, the Elders know it, many of us in the congregation know it, and many of us have to grapple with it. (And some, like me, know it but still have to grapple with it!)
I think that our Elders, Paul & Char, our other pastors, and church staff have done an incredible job of shepherding our church through the first stage of these rough waters. And I totally agree that they need & deserve our support, now more than ever.
And also... if we truly love Paul & Char, I think that the greatest gift that we can give to them now is a strong and mighty Grace Chapel, through the Grace of our Father, our Savior, our Counselor. Let's take these lessons of truth and love and apply them so that the light of our Lord will shine brightly through the church they have poured their lives and hearts into for the past 28 years.
Thanks, Sherrie, for your insights and encouragement.
While Paul has been used mightily by God at Grace, I am very pleased with the way the Elders have handled this situation and hope and pray they will find an good "Teacher/Preacher/Leader from the outside as soon as possible.
From everything I have read and discussed, two issues break my heart.
1. Paul's failure to confess and be open earlier. His choice to keep his "fallings" hiden has created more problems than his urges. The consequences of his keeping the truth in the dark created undue hardships on many. Paul did do the right thing last week by resigning.
2. Paul's failure to demonstrate faith that God's grace is suffcient for his "thorn". In the video, Paul made excuses when he should have been affirming that God is big and sufficient in his weakness.
I believe God is cleaning his house and we should all be joyful for that.
I hope Grace will follow up with a communication clearing up all the confusion. Some have told me they learned more about Paul this week reading The Denver Post than listening to the message Sunday.
For Heaven's sake,
Randy Austad
I'm actually very comforted by John Z stepping in as our interim senior pastor and I don't feel that bringing in a new Teacher / Preacher / Leader from the outside would be an encouragement to me or our teens. It seems like there are enough changes and boat-rockin' happening already!
But those are decisions that thankfully aren't in my hands and I'm praying for the Lord to use John mightily at this time in our congregation's healing and growth. My prayers today for him have been specifically for balance and holistic health (mind, body, spirit, communion with God, family connections, nutrition, exercise, vitamins, sleep, marriage, kids, etc.)...
Desiring calmer waters,
Sherrie
I totally disagree with the post about people learning more from Paul in the Denver Post then his teachings on Sunday. He was a great pastor. If that is what people think that is sad.
oh dear no ...
... What Randy meant is that some people have said that they learned more about Paul's transgressions in the Post this past Monday than from our service this past Sunday.
More specifically, on Sunday during service, Paul's video said, "I have had homosexual feelings and at times I have fallen" ... and what the Elder statement said, which was read in service, was, "In this case, the sacred trust between a pastor and the congregation has been broken through the sin of sexual infidelity."
This is being contrasted to what was said in the Denver Post, which was, "Palmer said the church got an anonymous call last week from a person concerned for the welfare of Barnes and the church. The caller had overheard a conversation in which someone mentioned 'blowing the whistle' on evangelical preachers engaged in homosexuality, including Barnes, Palmer said. Asked for details of Barnes' transgressions, Palmer called them 'infrequent events in his life' that to his knowledge did not take place in recent months."
Thank you so much for your transparency and honesty that you have shared in this situation. I have gone through a lot of the same feelings myself. Two people in my life have passed away and that's what it has felt like - a death. But I appreciate your words of encouragement to us; to be accpeting of ourselves and others and to live in truth and love.
In Him.
God disciplines those he loves. He loves Paul too much to let this go on in secret any longer. Paul wouldn't, couldn't deal with it himself so God stepped in. And God cried too. I'm sure of that.
God is purifying Grace Chapel. He is purifying me. Praise the Lord!
In Him who is able to keep us from falling... Jude 2:24
What the Bible says on Homosexuality...
(From the Life Application Bible on Romans 1)
Notes for 1:26,27
God's plan for natural sexual relationships is his ideal for his creation. Unfortunately, sin distorts the natural use of God's gifts. Sin often means not only denying God, but also denying the way we are made. When people say that any sex act is acceptable as long as nobody gets hurt, they are fooling themselves. In the long run (and often in the short run), sin hurts people — individuals, families, whole societies. How sad it is that people who worship the things God made instead of the Creator so often distort and destroy the very things they claim to value!
1:26,27 Homosexuality (to exchange or abandon natural relations of sex) was as widespread in Paul's day as it is in ours. Many pagan practices encouraged it. God is willing to receive anyone who comes to him in faith, and Christians should love and accept others no matter what their background. Yet, homosexuality is strictly forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:22). Homosexuality is considered an acceptable practice by many in our world today — even by some churches. But society does not set the standard for God's law. Many homosexuals believe that their desires are normal and that they have a right to express them. But God does not obligate nor encourage us to fulfill all our desires (even normal ones). Those desires that violate his laws must be controlled.
If you have these desires, you can and must resist acting upon them. Consciously avoid places or activities you know will kindle temptations of this kind. Don't underestimate the power of Satan to tempt you, nor the potential for serious harm if you yield to these temptations. Remember, God can and will forgive sexual sins just as he forgives other sins. Surrender yourself to the grace and mercy of God, asking him to show you the way out of sin and into the light of his freedom and his love. Prayer, Bible study, and strong support in a Christian church can help you to gain strength to resist these powerful temptations. If you are already deeply involved in homosexual behavior, seek help from a trustworthy, professional, pastoral counselor.
—Life Application Bible Notes
More on what The Bible says about Homosexuality...
Notes for 1Timothy 1:10
"Perverts'' may refer to homosexuals. There are those who attempt to legitimize homosexuality as an acceptable alternative life-style. Even some Christians say people have a right to choose their sexual preference. But the Bible specifically calls homosexual behavior sin (see Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:18-32; 1Corinthians 6:9-11). We must be careful, however, to condemn only the practice, and not the people. Those who commit homosexual acts are not to be feared, ridiculed, or hated. They can be forgiven and their lives can be transformed. The church should be a haven of forgiveness and healing for repentant homosexuals without compromising its stance against homosexual behavior. For more on this subject see the notes on Romans 1:26,27.
—Life Application Bible Notes
Notes for 2Samuel 1:26
By saying that Jonathan's love was "more wonderful than that of women,'' David was not implying that he had a sexual relationship with Jonathan. Homosexual acts were absolutely forbidden in Israel. Leviticus 18:22 calls homosexuality "detestable,'' and Leviticus 20:13 decrees the death penalty for those who practice homosexuality. David was simply restating the deep brotherhood and faithful friendship he had with Jonathan. (For more on their friendship, see the note on 1Samuel 18:1-4.)
—Life Application Bible Notes
Dave has been an awesome husband for years, and this past week is no exception. He too (of course :) has been journeying through the traumatic news and grief, sometimes close to me on my road while at other times a bit further ahead or behind. I have been so grateful to have him along for this tough ride!
There was something in particular he said that was so deep & profound, yet so simple, I feel that I must share it...
I asked him why he thought people would leave their church family at a time of great hurt when nestling with family would be more important than ever, and he replied, "Because it would give you a sense of control when the situation creating your pain is entirely out of your control." How incredibly wise he is.
I am praying and hoping that our church family can heal, come closer, and grow through this pain we didn't create and can't control.
I so strongly sense that learning how to faithfully journey through pain, although not easy, is such a critical life skill that we need now. And more so, I believe we will all need this skill even more in the future when this life continues to bash us all about with the inevitable death, illness, and losses yet to come.
Lovingly, Sherrie
I'd like to post a comment, but I'm still just too numb. There are so many different pieces and it all feels a bit overwhelming...
Oh how I desire more of you Lord! That you would be so big, complete, and overwhelming in our lives that you would crowd out all of our flesh, this culture, and that creep satan. That we would take each step based on your lamp at our feet. That our hearts would be led solely by your voice. That our love would be made complete by the full knowledge of your awesomeness. I am suffering, but I am suffering with you as I'm sure one of the many precious commenters above is so right ~ "And God cried too."
Thank you for your warm arms that hold me close. That comfort me. That assure me that your strength and protection are all that I will ever need.
I'm so sorry that I can be so frail, and so short-sighted, and so prone to angst. You made the world and you have it in your hand ~ and you love ME. And you love my loved ones... with a love that is much better than the fractured love that I could ever offer.
And I thank you in my suffering for how you are making me more like you... how you are giving me tastes and glimpses of the incredible power of truth and love. Lord, DON'T let me lose these lessons and this growth. Use them for your endless glory.
Amen (and good night :~)
To all who are loved by God and called to be his holy people: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ ...
Following are some things I heard Sunday at church … and since they were so helpful to me, my prayer is that they might be of assistance to others in our journey …
• On our journey to healing, we want to arrive at a balance of truth and love. Truth about what the Word of God tells us about sin and love for all people, because we are all sinners. When we go through loss and grief, we will cycle back and forth between feeling more strongly about the truth of the sin and other times more strongly toward compassion for the sinner.
• We all come to this with different life stories and journeys … often the most emotional part of our reaction is a reflection of a previous wounding in our life and this upheaval serves as an 'on-ramp' right back to that pain.
• For me (Sherrie) the on-ramp is the childhood feeling of being unworthy of my father’s love, his faithfulness to my mom, and his protection of me that shook me most deeply. Other people are processing and responding emotionally in their own, yet different, areas of previous pain, loss, or fears. Understanding this 'on-ramp' concept was very helpful to me as people shared how they are feeling and processing this week. Loneliness, anger, sadness, frustration... and specifically, what from their own journey is triggering this part of their reaction today.
• An elder said Paul and Char are always welcomed at Grace Chapel, and our doors are always open to them. However, in the best of circumstances, retiring at age 70, a senior pastor regularly, based on love, leaves his home church. This is because of how hard it is on the congregation to deal with the loss of their beloved teacher and leader and how this is often manifested in the the continual evaluating and contrasting of the old to the new pastor which is the stuff of which ugly church splits are made. The experience of most churches is that having the previous pastor stay in the congregation after leaving the pulpit just seems to make accepting the new reality much more difficult on the people. The Elder said that Grace Chapel's doors are wide to Paul and Char and that only time will tell their decision. Paul & Char will likely decide whether to make Grace Chapel their home in the future based on what they think is best for them as well as the church family they love.
• Char wants to be with her husband, where ever that is. For the past 28 years it was by his side in ministry at Grace Chapel. Now it’s by his side on a path to restoration. That’s why when Paul resigned, so she also. It’s a matter of love and her family as priority.
• A woman shared her anger this past week has been because part of her thankfulness and faith in the fidelity of her own marriage was based on the fidelity that Paul provided to Char. It took her all week to figure out why she was so angry with Paul, but she finally did… It was that Paul’s revelation took a rock out of her foundation and trust in her own marriage. I'm certain a number of wives can relate to that feeling.
• There will be a judgment day where each one of us and everything will come before the Lord. Knowing that God will not be mocked and we all reap what we sow, leads one man in our congregation to state that his desire that if he’s going to error in this process, he wants to error on the side of compassion and grace.
• From the pulpit during morning and evening services, we were told that we will all process this differently. Part of getting to acceptance (and the ability to move forward) is identifying what we have lost and what we have not lost.
• I believe that anger is neutral, neither good or bad. But what we learn from it and what we do with it matters. If we bottle it up, then it often manifests itself as depression. If we vomit all over everybody, then it really stinks and makes cleaning up for all those people a tough job. But if we choose a few people around us, we can share our anger in a way that they can help us process through what’s underneath it and choose how we are going to go forward with that insight. Journeying in community is the most healthy way to live.
• We’re all born sinners. Becoming a Christian doesn’t take away our sins or our tendencies toward specific sin based on our own desires. For some of us, those desires lead us to have to deal with the temptation of lying. For others, its sexual arousal through pornography. For some, it's homosexual desires. For others its vulnerability for the attention/attraction of someone other than a spouse and the 'high' that creates. Although our desires vary, temptation is universal. Whether to run or pursue it is our choice.
• Temptation is not a sin, actually it’s our opportunity to make the “other choice” and that’s where our character is actually built. We don’t become loving by surrounding ourselves with only lovable people, we do it by choosing God’s heart to love the unlovable. We don’t become patient by staying in calm and peaceful water, we actually become patient by choosing (and practicing) God’s way over irritation when things are tough. We don’t become joyful by always being in happy circumstances, we do it be looking to the Lord’s joy and perspective when everything else is a mess. Temptation is an opportunity to choose and to choose the best path. Perhaps we can rejoice in the opportunity that temptation presents for choice and growth, share our struggle and temptation with trusted others, and then conquer it.
• The previous generation gave up on biblical teaching about divorce and adultery. This generation is being challenged to give up on the biblical teaching about homosexuality.
• A man shared that he told his wife if she ever has any questions or concerns about him, his behavior, or his purity that she could call either of his two accountability partners and let them know. And he shared with those accountability partners, that if God was ever prompting either of them to ask him a hard question, that he wanted them to do it.
• One person shared his processing is still all about being on a swing. At times he’s swinging backwards and away … “this isn’t real, I feel so sorry for Paul & Char, this is so sad” and other times, “I’m coming full force forward with my two feet stretched out straight to run right into whatever is in front of me with high speed anger and frustration and send it over the fence. How could he do this *#%!” He wonders when he’ll be able to get off the swingset and move to a pendulum trying to find the balance between truth and love.
• Pastor John says we need to walk through the loss together on a journey to healing and accept that each other’s processing is much different than our own. Some will take longer, some will get through it quicker. We’ll revisit different places on the grief journey (for example, just because you’ve been through anger doesn’t mean you’re done with it). It’s a time where we want to seek the best and highest of graciousness and love for each other and give each other the freedom to process fully, and they way each individual needs to.
• We've lost our beloved preacher and women's ministry teacher. We've lost stability. We've lost the myth of perfection. We've lost our innocence and we've lost trust.
• Pastor Ken & the elevation congregation say to remember that, among other things, we have not lost each other (that's to sum it up in one word ;) and we’ve not lost Jesus (which is always the best Sunday School answer ;)
• The Word says; Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Heb 12:1-3)
With prayers of thanksgiving for you and peace in you, Sherrie
Some verses that feel written anew to my heart ...
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)
We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring. All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. (2 Thessalonians 1:3-5)
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:1-4)
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. (2 Peter1:5-7)
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