"Too many people didn't get a chance to know him,” said his father, Frank Bingham. “It is tremendously disappointing that there wasn't more time together for all of us and that Macie and Garrison did not get the chance to grow up into the wonderful people they were already starting to be." Frank Bingham’s family was killed in a hit and run accident on November 10.
Denver Police say the driver, 36-year-old Lawrence Trujillo, was drunk when he ran a red light and hit the Bingham family as they were crossing the street at 15th and Arapahoe in downtown Denver. Frank’s wife, 39-year-old Becca, and his daughter and son, 4-year-old Macie, and 2-year-old Garrison, were killed. Frank was injured.
However, he says his physical injuries are nothing compared with the wounds to his heart. Bingham says it is still hard to think too much about the fullness that made his family so special. To think about it magnifies the depth of what has been lost. "I had a wonderful marriage to a fabulous woman and we had smart, healthy children,” he said. “I really try to be thankful for that. It's not much of a balance against the loss but I certainly wouldn't undo it all, even if I had the chance. Becca was an amazing person. She was a very loyal friend and always had a deep sense of sincere kindness for everyone. She was a committed mother. She loved being a mom. People who know the kind of mother that Rebecca was have commented as to how difficult it would have been for her to survive had the kids not.”
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He remembers how Macie was learning new things every day and was such a joy. "I took her to school not long before the accident and she was in the backseat and counted to 100 for me," he said.
Frank says his house is too quiet now. He often turns on music to occupy the silence that used to be filled with his children singing, happily banging on the piano, and reading favorite nursery rhymes. Hundreds of strangers who have heard about the accident have sent their wishes to him. There are baskets full of cards and letters at the Bingham house. Many share how the tragedy has given them a greater appreciation for their lives and their loved ones.
“I feel like I should write a thousand thank you cards,” said Frank. “It's too bad it takes something so horrible to make us think a bit more deeply sometimes. I am so thankful Becca and I held hands when we could, but now I wish we would have ten times as much. It's this combination of thankfulness and regret."
"We have choices. We can either sit on the opposite ends of the couch from our spouse or sit next to them and hold (them). We can save our children's artwork or not. Some things are so easy to neglect but I think in the grand scheme of life, the little things can be so profound."
Two of the letters that he’s received are from two people who tried to help save Macie and Garrison. "I will never forget holding your son, trying desperately to breathe life back into him and wondering how cruel some people can be," wrote a doctor, who was at the scene of the accident. The doctor had been in town from Illinois for a medical conference, only to happen upon the scene. He tried to rescue Garrison and wrote Frank as he sat at the airport, waiting to board his flight home. "Today I am a different person. Difficulties or conflicts in my own life now seem so utterly insignificant ... Your son, I hope, has made me a better person,” wrote the doctor.
A woman who was also at the scene wrote: "I saw the little boy was asleep (in his stroller) and his sister sitting beside him was happily swinging her feet." She said moments later, "We heard a horrendous screech of tires." The woman ran to the little girl’s side. "There was no crying for help or pain like you might expect; only stillness, peace and sacredness. There was nothing any of us could do because God was already there," she wrote.
Frank says those two letters have impacted him greatly. "I had avoided spending much time thinking about the violent nature of the incident. To hear there wasn't suffering ... it isn't what you would expect at all so, that was a relief. What I learned is really what I think deep down I had hoped to hear," he said.
Frank says he won’t spend his energy thinking about the driver. "I consciously try to keep my mind out of that zone," he said. "If there ever was a case where the thoughtlessness ... the lack of good sense and humanity ever came across the court system, this has got to be one of them. I hope and pray it unfolds as it should." He also hopes one day he’ll be able to forgive. “I know that harboring unforgiveness can eat away at a person and I don’t want that,” he said. “I am trying to hang on to the positives, however few I can find. I don’t always feel that way. I am making a conscious effort each day.”
For now, he says he is just trying to take one step at a time and is leaning on his faith. He remembers something he read recently: “Faith that hasn’t been tested can’t be trusted.”
This test will last a lifetime. "It's a process of healing, but it's not a process of getting beyond it. It will be a lifelong process," he said. “I am grateful that so many people tell me how this is making them a better person. I sincerely hope and pray that it makes me a better person too.”
Frank's poignant story has many parellels to the losses we've felt in our church family lately. I hope we too can respond and process and stay committed in the loving, healthy, honest way which Frank has with his deep and painful loss. I also hope that all of us can apply the pain and process of his great losses to living and loving our families more deeply each day.
Ponderingly, Sherrie
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